I think I have osteoporosis now. My back is aching. I've been sitting in front of the computer for... 6 hours? Or more?

Anyway, I can't wait for the Christmas break. I think I'm gonna have a breakdown soon because I'm so sick of school shit. It's eating all of my energy and I've been sleeping laaaate for the past few days. Stress, stress, stress!

And oh, have I mentioned that my social life is officially non-existent?

( random rants because I'm so bored )

Today was the most stressful day of the week. We had something to do for all our subjects, quizzes, homework etc. I was too stressed out and I didn't even have the time to eat. I just ate a pack of candy and that was it.

Anyway, the worst thing that happened was when my Filipino teacher approached me and I noticed that he was holding my poem which he asked us to do a couple of weeks ago. We were supposed to write about Christmas and peace in Filipino for an event of some sort. I can honestly tell you that I did that in less than an hour and I merely played with words because I knew it wasn't something major. It was just a simple homework.

SO, imagine my surprise (and horror!!!) when he told me that they chose my poem for the event. My teacher told me that I have to present it with feelings and shit. Don't get me wrong, I was happy that I got chosen, but I never get picked for those kind of things. I'm never the performer, I just watch people. I'm not yet sure if I'm going to be the one to say it in front of the school, but still. I suck at those kinds of things. I don't have a talent and speaking in front of hundreds of people is like death to me. It's one of my biggest fears. I'm just not confident when it comes to doing things in front of a lot of people.

People might think it's not a big deal, but for me it is. Whenever I think about it my palms get all sweaty and I have to tell myself a million times to calm down. Maybe it's funny to think that I'm being stressed about something so shallow. But it's ME I'm talking about. I've never done this thing before and I've always hated delivering speeches back in second year. Plus, I don't like attention because it always makes me feel uncomfortable.

Maybe I should stop fretting about it and be proud of myself for doing such a good job instead. I know I have to calm down and it's silly to be stressed out about it, but it's just SCARY. I seriously regret passing that homework. I shouldn't have done the stupid homework.

I was literally begging my teacher to have someone to present it instead. They could use my poem, but not just me. A little part of me is saying that I should go and do it because it's something I'll only get to do once in my life and finally, finally, people appreciated my writing skills (orly?!), but the thought of speaking in front of my whole school (I'm talking about the whole community here, okay) just makes me feel weak. And no, I'm not exaggerating.

How I'm feeling right now: 94587oihjgkdfghkjwy389tyhdkjghkjhfk

Hello, my name is Max. I'm seventeen going on eighteen and I don't have a life.
I'm addicted to Tumblr, bumming around, daydreaming and writing on my journal.

Damn. I suck.

And oh, I found this awesome site for TV shows where the episodes load for less than an hour. The only good thing that happened to me today besides hanging out with my friends while doing our project.

I'm having a mini Vampire Diaries marathon. Thank god for long weekends, I can extend my procrastinating time.

Does anyone have an idea where I can buy a nice, exciting and adventurous life?

I've been backreading here on LJ and saw lots of "I'm Thankful For.." posts, so I'm copying and making my own!

( TYVM!!! )

I could list down a million more, but coming up with this list made me feel so lucky and guilty at the same time. My Christmas wish list is obviously contradicting this one. I already have everything I could ask for and yet, I still want more. Humans just don't know how to be satisfied, yeah?

Damn. I have a lot of rethinking to do about my wish list. But hey, there's no guarantee that I'm going to receive those things this Christmas. I just feel so guilty for having a good life while a lot of people are suffering and I can't do anything about it. The Maguindanao massacre really made me think things through. I have to find a way to be contented with my life.

Hmm.. how to do that exactly? =/